


I Don't Want You to Go

by solong_andthanksforallthefish



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mild Language, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 05:37:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2681039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solong_andthanksforallthefish/pseuds/solong_andthanksforallthefish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They're about to start their last year at Hogwarts, but Dean won't be returning to school with Seamus</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Want You to Go

It was a warm, still night in late August. The wind was blowing softly across the Irish countryside and crickets hummed in the distance. The Finnigan household, like the rest of the neighborhood, was quiet. As the clock struck 2:30, a tall figure appeared on the edge of the Finnigan’s backyard. He glanced around for a moment, surprised at his surroundings.

“Shit,” Dean Thomas muttered to himself. This complicated things a bit. His plan had been to apparate directly into the house. He hadn’t expected to encounter an anti-apparition charm, although he supposed that it made sense for them to have put one up. Since the ministry had fallen, most people were starting to take whatever precautions they could against You-Know-Who and his followers. As he thought more about the war, Dean felt a wave of anxiety for what he was about to do. Now that he was actually here, faced with the possibility that he might never see Seamus again, he wasn’t sure he would be able to face his friend. For a moment he considered just turning back and abandoning the plan altogether—but no, that wouldn’t be right. _I have to do this_ , Dean thought to himself. _I have to tell him in person. I… I have to see him one last time_. Quietly, so as not to be noticed, he hurried across the yard towards the window that he knew led to his best friend’s room. Peering inside, he saw Seamus lying spread-eagled on his bed and snoring softly as he slept.

“Shay,” he hissed as he knocked on the glass. “Shay, wake up! Let me in.” Dean looked through the window again, but could see no change in his friend; he was still sleeping soundly. Dean groaned. “Fuck,” he whispered, “why do you have to be such a heavy sleeper?” He knocked on the window again, louder this time. “C’mon, wake up, Seamus!”

Seamus began to stir then. He opened his eyes and a look of confusion crossed his face when he saw the figure standing outside his bedroom window. “Dean?” he said, still half-asleep, his voice muffled by the glass.

“Yes, it’s me,” Dean replied. “Open up!”

Slowly, the Irishman made his way over to the window, rubbing his eyes as he went, and pushed it open. “Dean,” he said groggily, “not that I’m not happy to see you, mate, but now’s not really a good time.”

“I know,” Dean whispered. “I’m sorry. Will you please just let me in?” Seamus grumbled, but stepped aside anyway so Dean could climb through.

The room was exactly as Dean remembered it. Even in the darkness, he could make out nearly every feature—the bed in the corner that was always messy because Seamus never bothered to make it; the oversized beanbag chair that Dean had tripped over countless times; the scorch mark next to the door from the summer after third year when Seamus accidentally set fire to the wall. As Dean looked around, reminded of all the memories that this room held, he felt another twinge of anxiety about leaving. He didn’t want this to be the last time he ever stood in this room, but he knew it very well might be.

“So,” Seamus’s voice snapped Dean out of his reverie, “mind telling me exactly what you’re doing in me bedroom in the middle of the night?”

Dean winced. “Again, sorry,” he said, “but I had to come at night. It wouldn’t have been safe for me to come during the day.”

“What are you on about?”

Dean sucked in a deep breath and looked away, steeling himself for what was coming. He wasn’t sure how Seamus was going to react. He wasn’t even sure if Seamus knew what was going on. They hadn’t had any contact since Dumbledore’s funeral, so Dean had no way of knowing if he was up to date on everything the Daily Prophet had been saying. He could be completely in the dark; but, Dean supposed, that didn’t really matter. He’d come here for a reason, and he was going to do what he set out to do, regardless.

“I’ve come to say goodbye,” Dean said, meeting Seamus’s eyes again. “I’m going into hiding tonight.”

Realization finally dawned on Seamus’s face. He lowered his eyes to the floor, shaking his head slightly as he let out a frustrated sigh. “I was worried this would happen,” he said. “I’ve been reading the Prophet. Saw all the shite they’ve been printing about muggle-borns since You-Know-Who took over.”

So he did know, after all. Dean was relieved; hopefully that would make this easier. “Then you know why I have to do this. Now that they have this Muggle-born Registration Commission, I could go to Azkaban. It’s not safe for me anymore.”

“Yeah, I know,” Seamus replied. “But I don’t want you to go.”

“Shay,” Dean sighed.

“You can’t leave me Dean.” Seamus blinked away the tears that were beginning to form in his eyes. “You’re me best friend. I… I need you.”

Of course. Dean should’ve seen this coming. He should’ve known Seamus would beg him not to leave—why would he expect anything less? Seamus was stubborn as all hell. There was no way he would let Dean go without a fight, and Dean was worried that if he begged hard enough, especially if there were tears involved, then he just might stay in spite of himself. What could he say? Seamus was his weakness.

But Dean couldn’t let that stop him. He couldn’t let Seamus talk him out of this. For his own safety, and his family’s, and his best friend’s, he needed to leave. Seamus had to know that.

“You think I want to leave you?” he said. “That’s the last thing I want to do, Shay, but I don’t have a choice.”

“There has to be some other way,” he countered. “What if you stayed here? Mam and I would keep you safe.”

“Seamus, no. That’s way too risky.”

“I don’t care about the risk.”

“I do! I’m not going to put you in that kind of danger. That’s why I’m doing this—to keep you and my family out of danger.”

“And I’m trying to keep you out of danger! I won’t be able to protect you if you go on the run. You could die out there and I wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing to stop it!” Seamus was practically shouting by this point. His shaking hands were balled into fists at his sides and tears were starting to stream down his face even as he tried to hold them back.

“Shay…” Dean whispered. He stepped forward and tried to put his arms around his friend to comfort him but Seamus shrugged him off. He stared aggressively at the floor and wouldn’t look Dean in the eye. “What do you want me to do?” Dean asked, frustrated. “I can’t fight this, Seamus. I can’t change it.” Seamus’s face only hardened at this. “Look,” he continued, softer, “I’m not happy about it either but this is the way it has to be. If I stay here I’ll be putting your life at risk and I am not about to do that. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you got hurt or killed because of me. Don’t you understand? This is the only way I can keep you safe.”

Seamus raised his head to look up at Dean, his eyes red and puffy and his face still hard. “And what about you? I’m not going to let you run off and get yourself killed, Dean. I won’t let that happen to you.”

“My mind is made up, Seamus. I’m leaving tonight and you can’t stop me.”

“But what if you don’t make it?” Seamus pressed. He was beginning to cry again. “What am I going to do without you? I—I can’t lose you Dean. I can’t.” He leaned forward and rested his head against Dean’s chest, gripping the back of his shirt as though Dean would float away if he didn’t hold on tight enough.

Dean wrapped his arms around Seamus and pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I wish I didn’t have to leave you.” He could feel tears welling up in his eyes. Dean had promised himself he’d be strong, that he wouldn’t break down, but as he stood holding Seamus in his arms on what might be their last night together, he realized that was impossible; and once he realized that, all the emotions he’d been trying to repress suddenly came to the surface. The fear, anger, sorrow, regret, all came flooding through like ocean waves threatening to drown him and all he could do was cling to Seamus, his anchor, and hope that it would be enough to get him through the storm.

After a while Seamus pulled back slightly to look at Dean. “Promise you’ll come back,” he said. “When all of this is over, promise you’ll come back to me.”

“You know I can’t make promises like that.”

“Then lie to me! I don’t care. I just need to hear you say it.” Dean could hear the desperation in his voice. He couldn’t say no, not when Seamus’s fingers were clutching at his shirt with a vice grip and there was a look in his eyes like he was barely holding it together.

“I promise I’ll come back to you,” he said; and by Merlin, Dean was going to do everything in his power to honor that promise. Seamus looked relieved as he sank back into Dean’s embrace, but it didn’t last long.

“I should go now,” Dean said. Seamus looked up and his face fell. This was the moment they’d both been dreading—the moment they would actually have to say goodbye.

“Can’t you stay any longer?” Seamus pleaded.

Dean shook his head. “I’m afraid if I stay any longer I won’t be able to leave.” Seamus pursed his lips, but said nothing. He lowered his arms and Dean followed suit. “I’ll come find you when it’s safe again,” he continued. “Until then, don’t try to contact me. And… take care of yourself. Try not to blow anything up.”

Seamus smiled at that, but after a moment his expression became serious once more. “Be careful Dean,” he said.

“I will,” Dean promised.

Seamus looked at up at his best friend with a pained expression. It was time; they couldn’t prolong this any more. “Goodbye, Dean,” he murmured.

“Goodbye, Shay,” Dean whispered back with tears in his eyes. He gave Seamus one last long look before he turned and climbed out the window. Seamus watched Dean walk to the edge of the yard and disappear, and then he sank to his knees, weighed down by his grief.


End file.
